Title: "Tonya's Surgery Update"
Description: This is the email I sent out updating people on my surgery.
Date written: June 10, 2002
Hello everyone. I'm finally going to update you all on how my surgery
went and how things are going now. This email will probably get rather
long, and I'm sorry if it bores you.
I'll start with talking about the benefit auction/dinner. It was
extremely successful. To those of you who came or helped or did
anything that showed to me that you cared, I cannot thank you enough.
It meant so much to me, and I'm still overwhelmed by the amount of
support I received from the community.
I went down to Kansas City with my mom on May 22 (the day before
surgery). I had a few pre-surgery tests to take care of. We first
went to have my blood tested (to make sure I wasn't a 'bleeder'). Next
it was off to radiology to have a sterographical MRI. The doctor there
had to put these little, sticky round things (they resembled
lifesavers) all over my head (nine total). The doctor had to shave
little areas on my head where the round things went. I wasn't quite
prepared to have my hair shaved, so I cried a little. I had to leave
the round things on my head, since I needed to have them on during
surgery. After this test, my mom and I decided to stay at the hospital
in the family quarters for the night. I had to be downstairs for
surgery at 6 am.
All right, so we are up to the morning of surgery. Everything was so
surreal. It didn't really seem that in just an hour my skull would be
cut open and the doctor would be operating on my brain. My whole
family (grandparents, Bonnie, Eric, and Duane) was meeting me
downstairs. However, mom and I couldn't find them right away. It turned
out they were already in the waiting room over in the surgery area. I
wasn't nervous at all. I was just sort of numb to it all. However, I
was worried that my doctor was going to forget about me wanting the
surgery taped. We had tried very hard to call him the day before to
remind him, but we were unsuccessful.
Well, they finally called my name. I went in the back and I got in my
hospital robe and socks. They took my vitals and assured me everything
would be fine (even though I wasn't nervous). My family took turns
coming back to talk to me (only a couple could come back at a time). A
nurse came and put my I.V. in my left hand. It hurt immediately. My
surgeon's partner, Dr. Step, who would be joining him during surgery,
came back to talk to me. He told me that my surgeon, Dr. Clough, was
caught in a meeting at the other Kansas City hospital. If I wanted to
see him before surgery then that would be fine, but I would have to
wait. Dr. Step really wanted to get started though. I asked him if he
knew if Dr. Clough remembered about taping the surgery. He said that
he was sure that Dr. Clough was not going to be taping it. I was
upset, extremely upset (understatement). I started crying (a lot). I
told him we could go ahead and get started I guess. It was too late to
stop now, since my I.V. had already been started. Duane started crying
because I was crying. It was actually kind of cute. I said my final
comments to my family, then the doctors took me away to the operating
room at around 7:30 am.
There isn't much to tell about being in the room, because I wasn't
awake long after that. It was extremely cold in there. I remember
transferring to the operating table and then being covered by a million
heated blankets. Then I was introduced to all the team of doctors that
would be present. My surgeon wasn't there yet (such a bastard). Then
they put an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth. I remember hating the
air being forced into my nostrils and mouth, but that's the last thing
I remember. The air lasted a few seconds, then I was out.
When I woke up, it was the weirdest feeling I've had in my life. I felt
like I was paralyzed or something. I had so many drugs in my system. I
kept going in and out of consciousness. However, the first thing I do
remember seeing is a big bag of hair taped to the side of bed. It was
all of my hair they'd shaved off. It wasn't very nice of them. I
remember seeing my surgeon for like two minutes. I asked him if he
taped it, and he said no, then I either must have fell back asleep or
totally shut him out, because that's all I remember of that encounter.
I was in the intensive care unit of the hospital pretty much my whole
stay. I had some trouble with my I.V. It was hurting my left hand
extremely, and my whole arm was numb. The doctors ended up taking it
out. They had a hard time finding another place to put it. They
eventually found a willing vein near my left elbow. I still have all of
my needle bruises. Other that, I was in no pain though. They gave me
morphine shots like every 2 hours and shots of Vikatin (that might not
be spelled right, but it's an amazing drug). I was also on steroids
for the swelling of my brain. I pretty much slept the whole time. Then
the day before I came home they transferred me to my own room on the
10th floor. My surgeon finally came to see me. The first thing he did
was apologize for not taping it. I didn't even want to see him. He
offered to let me come into another surgery with him so I could see it,
but that's not the same. I wanted to see mine. Next he took off my
bandage. Well, he didn't just take it off, he ripped it off. It was
rather painful. I went home the next day. So I was in the hospital
from May 22 to May 26.
More details...the surgery went well is what I was told. My tumor
ended up being attached to a main blood vessel. Therefore, my surgeon
had to leave a little bit of it (not much, but there is still some in
there). If my surgeon had tried to get all of the tumor, then there
would have been a chance he could have cut the blood vessel. Then I
would have had a stroke. It was too high of a risk. He also told me
that there is a possibility that it could grow back. I just have to
have an MRI every 6 months for the next 2 years.
I was taking so many pills at first. I was taking like 16 pills a day.
It was horrible, because a lot of them were huge. I'm down to about 8
now. Recovery is going well I guess. My right arm was affected during
surgery. It doesn't really work all the great. My surgeon said that it
might never fully recover. When I first got home, I couldn't even write
let alone type. It's getting much better though. It's just weak. I
can't really give you an accurate description of what I feel like now,
because it's different everyday. My head still hurts a lot, but I
don't know yet whether it's because of the surgery or if my headaches
are still present. My skin hurts to touch, but hopefully that will go
away. My hair is so ugly. It was such a large area that they had to
shave. For the most part though, things are ok. They aren't great,
they are just ok. I got my stitches out today, that hurt a little, but
I'm so glad they are out. We still haven't heard the results about my
tumor (whether it's benign or cancerous). I'm not too worried about it
though. My mom is really wanting the results though. We should get it
soon. I'll let you all know the results. I promise that email won't be
this long.
This email is so long, and I'm SO sorry. I just wanted to update
everyone. I think I've covered the most of it. If you want more
details, then just ask. Don't be afraid to ask, because I really don't
mind talking about it. However, if you ask me how I'm doing, I'll
probably just say 'ok', because it's hard to describe to detail.
There are still some of my close friends that I haven't even heard from
yet (aka Maryville friends). I don't understand why, and I'm not
really interested in your excuses. I just want you to know that you
guys have really hurt my feelings. Honestly, if the tables were turned,
you know that I would be there for you. There are so many ways that
you could get in touch with me....phone, email, cell phone......and
Pip, you didn't even talk to me at Paglias....I don't understand why
you are treating me this. I don't deserve to be forgotten about
(especially when I'm going through something like BRAIN SURGERY). You
guys can get all pissed off if you want, but I don't really care. You
have hurt me. (Chad you are exempt from this, you came to the benefit,
and that meant so much to me sweetie!).
Sorry about that for all of you non-native-Maryville-ites, but I really
needed to vent about it. See you around!
Love,
Tonya
Here are some replies I received:
From Marilyn Miller, a good friend who I used to work with at GEAR For Sports:
You wrote such a beautiful account of your surgery. The surgeon should have been more sensitive to your wants. The taping
of your surgery would have been a wonderful thing for you to have. Did he give you reasons or just that he forgot? As for
me, I am still in training at the Mo.Dept of Corrections Academy, just this week and next then I will go back to Maryville
for weapons training, cpr, and self defense classes. It is all so interesting that I think I am really going to like
it. I look forward to hearing from you again about your results from the cancerous testing. Feel free to write me anytime,
I always enjoy hearing from you. Love ya, Marilyn
From Aaron Jaworek, a really good friend I met my sophomore year at NYU:
I am so glad to hear that you have made it through the surgery. I was
thinking about you a lot the past few weeks wondering how everything
was going. I hope the recovery continues to go well also. Keep
working on that arm too. I know it will get back to normal, it just
needs some extra attention. I was so amazed at all the community
support you received for this operation too. It was very heart-warming
to hear about everyone that helped to support you every step of the
way. You deserve every bit of it that's for sure. As for those couple
of friends that seemed to have left you out; don't worry about them.
If they knew what you were about to go through, I am sure they at least
gave you their best wishes and their strength without saying anything
to you. You have too much on your mind to have to feel upset about
something like that. Oh and did you get my card? I wanted to get your
address before you left but I forgot so I did some searching and found
you. I hope the next few months go smoothly for you and that nothing
unexpected emerges along the way. I am sure there are probably a
million things going on in your life right now so do not feel rushed or
obligated to respond to this e-mail anytime soon. Just take your time
and take each day one day at a time. I will keep in touch with you to
see how your progress is. I will be thinking about you often and you
know how to get a hold of me if you want to talk. I wish you the
best. Sincerely, Aaron
From Tanner Peterman, a good friend and fellow Gravity kid that I graduated high school with:
I just wanted to drop you a quick letter and say I am glad that
your surgery went well and you are doing better. I dont really get back to
Bedford to much so I dont see to many of the classmates very often. But I
just wanted to say goodluck and best wishes in the future. -Tanner
