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I Believe, Dammit!

August 25, 2005 - 11:27 am

I feel the need to express myself about something that might surprise some...RELIGION. There are so many things I need to say, and I hope I can get it all out in an intelligent manner. This might get long, but I guarantee it'll be interesting.

First I should say that I don't consider myself to be a 'religious' person. That doesn't mean you should start calling me an atheist. By definition an atheist is someone who denies the existence of God. If you insist on putting a label on my views, use the word 'agnostic.' My mind works in the sense that NO ONE knows for sure that anything exists, so I can't say I believe in something that I'm not sure of. However, I don't deny anything either. I fully believe in the possibility of everything.

Part of my problem is that I hate labels when it comes to religion. I even dislike the word 'religion.' Once you put any of those words out there, people automatically start making assertions and judgements. I love what religion and faith does personally for people. If that is what makes your life have meaning and purpose, then it's definitely a good thing. However, the problems start happening when you try to force your religious beliefs onto someone else who doesn't agree with you. And it should be noted that there is a very big difference between having a conversation about your beliefs and promoting your beliefs. I love religious conversations when the person I'm talking to tries to understand what I'm saying and what I believe rather than trying to make me think that they're right and I'm wrong. Back to applying labels, I grew up with Christian values. It was a Christian church I attended when I was younger. And I personally believe that I am more of a Christian (there are those labels again) than most of the church-going, bible-preaching Christians I know.

Ok, let's return to a neutral state after that last sentence. Breath in, breath out. I do tend to get defensive when it comes to my 'beliefs,' because I hate when anyone looks down on me just because I don't say, "Yes, God exists." I do believe. I believe very much. I definitely, without a doubt believe that life (all life) and the way the world works is just too amazing to be random. I think in a cause-and-effect manner. What makes night turn into day? Because the Earth rotates. What is the technical difference between life and death? The human heart either works or it doesn't. Yes, these are the explanations. But what makes the Earth rotate? What makes the human heart beat? There are some things that cannot be explained. And this is the very reason that I absolutely believe there is 'something' out there. I tend to think of it as a 'force.' That's not even the right word, but it's the best one I can think of.

This post has been brought on mostly because a friend of mine constantly judges me about my views. We've had millions of conversations about this, but she never really wants to hear what I have to say. And so we keep discussing (and she keeps attacking me) on the same topics. It's really frustrating.

It's frustrating in the sense that she's my friend and I care. That brings me to another facet, which is: the way I live my life. I am a good person. I am a good friend. I am a good daughter, and so on. I appreciate everything that life gives me, and I'm thankful for the life I have. I don't just say these things. I practice them. I show my appreciation in the way I treat people. I care so much that it often leads to my personal downfall. I give so much emotionally, but I hardly ever receive the same. It's made me question myself so many times. Unfortunately I'm in one of those periods right now, which is probably another reason for this post. I get so mad at the world for being evil and unfair, and sometimes I think I should just stop caring so much. And I do occasionally go through stints where I'm so angry that I take it out on people in unfair ways, but I always end up in the same place.

I always end up with ME. I am who I am, and I'm a good person (all the way through). I have a very strong work ethic. I know that it was the right thing (for me) to be working well before I turned 16. It helped me to develop the incredible work ethic that I have today. I'm not afraid to start at the bottom, because I know that you have to pay your dues in almost every profession. I'm not afraid to stick with something, and I appreciate my job even if I don't like it everyday. And even with corporate politics, there is something to be learned from everything you think is unfair. And it makes you stronger.

I am a good friend. I constantly reach out to my friends and encourage them to reach out to me. I want to be there for my friends. If that means paying $100 to see you in a play, you can count on me being there to support you. Not because I feel obligated, but because I love you and I truly want to be there. If that means biting my tongue when I don't agree with you, because I understand that you are different from me. Then I'm your girl. I have good friends who all have faults, but being a good friend is understanding their faults and loving them anyway. Friends listen to each other. Friends trust each other. And I feel compelled to add something here, that I've never quite had a friend that reciprocated me quite like Bart. Sure, we had lots of fights, and there was definitely judgement (on both ends), but he was truly a great friend. I miss you, Bart!

I am a good daughter/granddaugter/cousin/niece. I don't know anyone that has a family like I do. My family and I are very dependent on each other (in a healthy way). We don't have to make efforts to stay in each other's lives. We just are. It's the way we function. We know that when the world is against you, and you feel completely alone, you can always turn to your family. No matter what, we are always there for each other in the most supportive way possible. I constantly let my family know how much I love them. And they constantly let me know how much they love me. They know how thankful and appreciative I am for their constant and unconditional love. They are responsible, in a very large way, for the kind of person I am. And I love them so much for it!

I do not play with people's emotions. I do not want to get hurt, so I don't intentionally hurt other people. This ties in a lot with the way I feel about relationships with the opposite sex. I'm going through some personal stuff in this area, so I don't want to get too detailed. But basically, I believe in monogamy. If I give my heart to you, it's going to only be you. And I expect the same.

This post is still about religion. So what can you say about me? Why can't being a good person be enough? I have my faults, everyone does, but I'm a good person. A lot of my issues come from people being so set on the Bible or the Koran or the Torah (and so on). These are just books to me. That is, in fact, what they are. You can't deny it. It is completely possibly that the events took place, and that God is the Almighty. I just don't know for sure, so my mind won't allow me to say anything definite. And what about some of the things in the Bible? Especially the part about homosexuals. This will baffle me until the day I die. It's my belief that being gay is not a choice. I know quite a few gay people that hate being gay, and if it was a choice, then why don't they just stop being gay? Because they can't. It's who they are. Why is it a sin to be who you are? I could start bashing our government right about now in regard to how there is supposed to be a separation between church and state, but I don't feel like working myself up. Most of the gay people I know are some of my favorite people in the world. They are no worse than you or me.

The bottom line is that I'm tired of being judged like this. The way I live my life should be enough. I definitely believe in karma. I do good things so good things will happen to me. And I'm thankful, and I believe. I can't say that enough! Everyday I talk to whatever the higher power is. Whenever anything positive happens, I always say thank you. When the train comes quickly, I say thank you. When someone is kind to me, I say thank you. When my bodily functions are regular, I say thank you!

Why are people who claim to be religious the ones who seem to be so close-minded? Why do you think I need to agree with what you say? Why can't you understand that I'm set on my beliefs the same way you are with yours? I accept that you believe in God. Accept that I believe, just not in the same way you do.



Go to Older Entries Directory If you'd like to contact me: TMF222@YAHOO.COM I Believe, Dammit! August 25, 2005 - 11:27 am I feel the need to express myself about something that might surprise some...RELIGION. There are so many things I need to say, and I hope I can get it all out in an intelligent manner. This might get long, but I guarantee it'll be interesting. First I should say that I don't consider myself to be a 'religious' person. That doesn't mean you should start calling me an atheist. By definition an atheist is someone who denies the existence of God. If you insist on putting a label on my views, use the word 'agnostic.' My mind works in the sense that NO ONE knows for sure that anything exists, so I can't say I believe in something that I'm not sure of. However, I don't deny anything either. I fully believe in the possibility of everything. Part of my problem is that I hate labels when it comes to religion. I even dislike the word 'religion.' Once you put any of those words out there, people automatically start making assertions and judgements. I love what religion and faith does personally for people. If that is what makes your life have meaning and purpose, then it's definitely a good thing. However, the problems start happening when you try to force your religious beliefs onto someone else who doesn't agree with you. And it should be noted that there is a very big difference between having a conversation about your beliefs and promoting your beliefs. I love religious conversations when the person I'm talking to tries to understand what I'm saying and what I believe rather than trying to make me think that they're right and I'm wrong. Back to applying labels, I grew up with Christian values. It was a Christian church I attended when I was younger. And I personally believe that I am more of a Christian (there are those labels again) than most of the church-going, bible-preaching Christians I know. Ok, let's return to a neutral state after that last sentence. Breath in, breath out. I do tend to get defensive when it comes to my 'beliefs,' because I hate when anyone looks down on me just because I don't say, "Yes, God exists." I do believe. I believe very much. I definitely, without a doubt believe that life (all life) and the way the world works is just too amazing to be random. I think in a cause-and-effect manner. What makes night turn into day? Because the Earth rotates. What is the technical difference between life and death? The human heart either works or it doesn't. Yes, these are the explanations. But what makes the Earth rotate? What makes the human heart beat? There are some things that cannot be explained. And this is the very reason that I absolutely believe there is 'something' out there. I tend to think of it as a 'force.' That's not even the right word, but it's the best one I can think of. This post has been brought on mostly because a friend of mine constantly judges me about my views. We've had millions of conversations about this, but she never really wants to hear what I have to say. And so we keep discussing (and she keeps attacking me) on the same topics. It's really frustrating. It's frustrating in the sense that she's my friend and I care. That brings me to another facet, which is: the way I live my life. I am a good person. I am a good friend. I am a good daughter, and so on. I appreciate everything that life gives me, and I'm thankful for the life I have. I don't just say these things. I practice them. I show my appreciation in the way I treat people. I care so much that it often leads to my personal downfall. I give so much emotionally, but I hardly ever receive the same. It's made me question myself so many times. Unfortunately I'm in one of those periods right now, which is probably another reason for this post. I get so mad at the world for being evil and unfair, and sometimes I think I should just stop caring so much. And I do occasionally go through stints where I'm so angry that I take it out on people in unfair ways, but I always end up in the same place. I always end up with ME. I am who I am, and I'm a good person (all the way through). I have a very strong work ethic. I know that it was the right thing (for me) to be working well before I turned 16. It helped me to develop the incredible work ethic that I have today. I'm not afraid to start at the bottom, because I know that you have to pay your dues in almost every profession. I'm not afraid to stick with something, and I appreciate my job even if I don't like it everyday. And even with corporate politics, there is something to be learned from everything you think is unfair. And it makes you stronger. I am a good friend. I constantly reach out to my friends and encourage them to reach out to me. I want to be there for my friends. If that means paying $100 to see you in a play, you can count on me being there to support you. Not because I feel obligated, but because I love you and I truly want to be there. If that means biting my tongue when I don't agree with you, because I understand that you are different from me. Then I'm your girl. I have good friends who all have faults, but being a good friend is understanding their faults and loving them anyway. Friends listen to each other. Friends trust each other. And I feel compelled to add something here, that I've never quite had a friend that reciprocated me quite like Bart. Sure, we had lots of fights, and there was definitely judgement (on both ends), but he was truly a great friend. I miss you, Bart! I am a good daughter/granddaugter/cousin/niece. I don't know anyone that has a family like I do. My family and I are very dependent on each other (in a healthy way). We don't have to make efforts to stay in each other's lives. We just are. It's the way we function. We know that when the world is against you, and you feel completely alone, you can always turn to your family. No matter what, we are always there for each other in the most supportive way possible. I constantly let my family know how much I love them. And they constantly let me know how much they love me. They know how thankful and appreciative I am for their constant and unconditional love. They are responsible, in a very large way, for the kind of person I am. And I love them so much for it! I do not play with people's emotions. I do not want to get hurt, so I don't intentionally hurt other people. This ties in a lot with the way I feel about relationships with the opposite sex. I'm going through some personal stuff in this area, so I don't want to get too detailed. But basically, I believe in monogamy. If I give my heart to you, it's going to only be you. And I expect the same. This post is still about religion. So what can you say about me? Why can't being a good person be enough? I have my faults, everyone does, but I'm a good person. A lot of my issues come from people being so set on the Bible or the Koran or the Torah (and so on). These are just books to me. That is, in fact, what they are. You can't deny it. It is completely possibly that the events took place, and that God is the Almighty. I just don't know for sure, so my mind won't allow me to say anything definite. And what about some of the things in the Bible? Especially the part about homosexuals. This will baffle me until the day I die. It's my belief that being gay is not a choice. I know quite a few gay people that hate being gay, and if it was a choice, then why don't they just stop being gay? Because they can't. It's who they are. Why is it a sin to be who you are? I could start bashing our government right about now in regard to how there is supposed to be a separation between church and state, but I don't feel like working myself up. Most of the gay people I know are some of my favorite people in the world. They are no worse than you or me. The bottom line is that I'm tired of being judged like this. The way I live my life should be enough. I definitely believe in karma. I do good things so good things will happen to me. And I'm thankful, and I believe. I can't say that enough! Everyday I talk to whatever the higher power is. Whenever anything positive happens, I always say thank you. When the train comes quickly, I say thank you. When someone is kind to me, I say thank you. When my bodily functions are regular, I say thank you! Why are people who claim to be religious the ones who seem to be so close-minded? Why do you think I need to agree with what you say? Why can't you understand that I'm set on my beliefs the same way you are with yours? I accept that you believe in God. Accept that I believe, just not in the same way you do.