Tonya M. Fleetwood

If you'd like to contact me: TMF222@YAHOO.COM

What a year!

January 27, 2005 - 10:02 am

This has been quite a busy year, especially the last few months. Hence my lack of updating. I'm going to attempt to do a recap of the past year. I really think 2004 was fabulous. There have been a few snags along the way, but the good stuff definitely out-weighs the bad.
___________________________________

I graduated from New York University!

In May I walked across the stage at Madison Square Garden, in front of my whole family, and officially became a part of the real world. It was a very confusing time in terms of the future. I'm currenting still going through some confusion, but back in May it was different. All I'd ever known was school. I technically had a job at Hallmark Entertainment, but at that time, my job was supposed to end at the end of August. I was scared of which direction my career was going to take. I was also worried. I definitely know what general industry I want to end up in, but if I get side-tracked by taking the wrong job, then I may end up in a completely different place. So, yeah, it was a confusing time. I'm so grateful to NYU though. Coming to New York changed my life completely. I've met so many wonderful people and experienced things that I never would have gone through back in Iowa. Graduation was bittersweet. I was ready to be finished with finals and papers, but I wasn't ready to leave behind my routine. I loved living with my friends, and as long as I was in school I had a purpose for being in New York. Without school, it was all up to me to make it.

I got my first New York apartment

I found my apartment on Craigslist.com. This was really the only source I used in my apartment search. I'd looked at a few apartments, and pretty much all of the apartments that I could afford were in locations that were undesirable. Then, on Easter, I saw a listing for an apartment on 42nd St, and the rent was the cheapest of all the apartments I looked at. Plus, the apartment was only on the 2nd floor! I told myself before I'd even looked at the apt., if it's livable at all, then I'm taking it. The location and the rent were FAR too good to pass it up. So, I went to see it and met Roy (the 'owner'). It was a tad on the small side, but I could definitely make it work. After only about 15 minutes I told Roy that I was interested and that I could give him a deposit that day. He was interested too, so I wrote him a check and the deal was done! I had an apartment on 42nd St!!! You can't get a better location than that! I took some measurements, and my family took care of the rest. My grandpa and Duane built the best bookcase I've ever seen. They also brought me some furniture. The women of the family took care of the curtains and the rugs. They're the best! The apartment came with a cat. We get along ok. There is another roommate besides Roy. Her name is Natasha, and she's awesome. We have some of the best chats! I'm SO glad I don't live alone.

I joined LA Weight Loss

I've been very reluctant to talk about this candidly. I've always thought that a person's weight is nobody's business but their own. However, this was one of the best things of 2004 (and will probably be the BEST thing of 2005), and I have to mention it. LA Weight Loss is a diet program similar to Weight Watchers, but better. I joined July 1. It was a hefty investment financially and emotionally. In the beginning I was miserable. All I did was notice my imperfections more, and everyone else's beauty even more than that. The diet was working, but it was gradual, and I couldn't really tell it was working. Then the weight just started to fall off practically. Each week I would lose anywhere from 2 to 5 pounds. I was so proud of myself. I'd never been able to lose weight like that before. All of a sudden I started to feel a million times more confident than I've ever felt in my whole life. I even started to think positively! Me! I've always been a negative-minded person. I'm not like Debbie Downer on Saturday Night Live, but I never really believed in positive thinking. But my accomplishments on the diet made my self-esteem sky rocket, and I was sublimely happy. It was (is) incredible! It's completely new territory, and I'm really loving my life. I still have a long way to go, but so far I've lost just about 40 pounds. I've had to alter all of my clothes (some things I've altered 5 or 6 times). I've had to get rid of some things, including my beloved leather jacket. But buying new clothes is so much fun!

I got to meet my Freddy (Krueger)

The last weekend in August I went to a weekend-long horror convention in New Jersey. This was the best weekend of my entire life. I don't think I've ever experienced the kind of fun and happiness I felt during this weekend. I'm a horror movie nut, and there were SO many horror actors/icons in attendance. The best guest of all though was Robert Englund (aka my Freddy). While I didn't talk to him as much as I wanted, I still met him and talked with him. I cannot describe how amazing it was to just see him! I've been a Freddy fan since he terrified me as a little 5 year-old, and to finally see him in person, after ALL these years of idolizing him, was mind-blowing. I felt like I was in this little bubble the whole weekend. It was like the best of the best of dreams. The kind where Freddy is there the whole time, as well as Jason and Candyman and Mrs. Voorhies and Micheal Myers and Leatherface! Just try to imagine a dream where all these characters are present! If you're not a horror fan, you won't get it, but this would be something every horror fan hopes for. That was what my weekend was like. To top it off I ended up renting a Howard Johnson honeymoon suite complete with everything fabulous. Wow, just thinking about that weekend sends my brain into a serotonin-soaked fantasy! I was going to go again this year, especially because Robert Englund is going to be there again, but unfortuneately Eric's high school graduation is that weekend. And I wouldn't miss that for anything!

I broke up with a really close friend

I guess I would classify this as one of the snags of 2004. Our breakup officially occurred the day before I went to the horror convention. This friend and I had been friends since the beginning of college, and I honestly thought he and I would be friends forever. However, all we ever did was fight. We'd get along for a couple days, then we'd fight for a week. It was a never-ending spiral. He was supposed to go to the horror convention with me, but bailed a few days before. There was a lot more to it than him just saying he wasn't going. There were lies and some stretching of the truth involved, and that weekend meant FAR too much to me to allow him to treat it (and me) like that. It was just too important to me. So, with that and everything else that had happened, I just had to end it. It was too stressful and he just wasn't healthy for me. I think our problem comes from the fact that we don't really like that many things about each other. There was always so much judgment, and I constantly had to worry about how he'd twist my words into something they weren't. So, he and I haven't spoken at all since August. I had absolutely no desire to speak to him either. I had really had enough. I started doing different things with my other friends and the diet was changing my perspectives as well, and I absolutely didn't want to go back to the way things were. I was too happy. I moved on and started loving life all the more without the stress that our friendship brought. His birthday came at the end of November, and although I had no desire to talk to him, I figured it'd be ok to text him "happy bday." Birthdays are important to me. I don't like when mine is forgotten, so I try not to forget others' even if I'm at odds with them (for example, I still send Pip a birthday card every year). I didn't want him to respond at all, because I still wasn't ready to talk to him. I didn't really think about him that much either, it's just that when I did think about him, I got very angry. I didn't want to be mean, because it wasn't worth it. It was over and there was no need to keep fighting. He called me anyways. I didn't even realize he'd called until I noticed that I had a voicemail. It was a little weird to hear his voice after so long, and just hearing his voice made me angry. So, I just went on until recently. I don't really have that much anger anymore. It's silly to stay mad for these reasons, because that's just the kind of person he is. I emailed him to see if we could meet up and put a positive ending to our friendship. I waited until I knew I wouldn't say anything mean and hurtful. Of course he didn't want to, which is fine. I just didn't want us to end things with so much negativity. I said everything I wanted to say to him in the email. We'd had a lot of good times, and I wanted him to know that I'd be here if he needed me. It'll be the good times that I remember when I think about our friendship. I don't know if he feels the same way, but my actions are very comforting. I'm glad I waited to contact him. It's also reassuring to know that throughout the whole thing I didn't take it to an immature level (unlike him).

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Go to Older Entries Directory If you'd like to contact me: TMF222@YAHOO.COM What a year! January 27, 2005 - 10:02 am This has been quite a busy year, especially the last few months. Hence my lack of updating. I'm going to attempt to do a recap of the past year. I really think 2004 was fabulous. There have been a few snags along the way, but the good stuff definitely out-weighs the bad. ___________________________________ I graduated from New York University! In May I walked across the stage at Madison Square Garden, in front of my whole family, and officially became a part of the real world. It was a very confusing time in terms of the future. I'm currenting still going through some confusion, but back in May it was different. All I'd ever known was school. I technically had a job at Hallmark Entertainment, but at that time, my job was supposed to end at the end of August. I was scared of which direction my career was going to take. I was also worried. I definitely know what general industry I want to end up in, but if I get side-tracked by taking the wrong job, then I may end up in a completely different place. So, yeah, it was a confusing time. I'm so grateful to NYU though. Coming to New York changed my life completely. I've met so many wonderful people and experienced things that I never would have gone through back in Iowa. Graduation was bittersweet. I was ready to be finished with finals and papers, but I wasn't ready to leave behind my routine. I loved living with my friends, and as long as I was in school I had a purpose for being in New York. Without school, it was all up to me to make it. I got my first New York apartment I found my apartment on Craigslist.com. This was really the only source I used in my apartment search. I'd looked at a few apartments, and pretty much all of the apartments that I could afford were in locations that were undesirable. Then, on Easter, I saw a listing for an apartment on 42nd St, and the rent was the cheapest of all the apartments I looked at. Plus, the apartment was only on the 2nd floor! I told myself before I'd even looked at the apt., if it's livable at all, then I'm taking it. The location and the rent were FAR too good to pass it up. So, I went to see it and met Roy (the 'owner'). It was a tad on the small side, but I could definitely make it work. After only about 15 minutes I told Roy that I was interested and that I could give him a deposit that day. He was interested too, so I wrote him a check and the deal was done! I had an apartment on 42nd St!!! You can't get a better location than that! I took some measurements, and my family took care of the rest. My grandpa and Duane built the best bookcase I've ever seen. They also brought me some furniture. The women of the family took care of the curtains and the rugs. They're the best! The apartment came with a cat. We get along ok. There is another roommate besides Roy. Her name is Natasha, and she's awesome. We have some of the best chats! I'm SO glad I don't live alone. I joined LA Weight Loss I've been very reluctant to talk about this candidly. I've always thought that a person's weight is nobody's business but their own. However, this was one of the best things of 2004 (and will probably be the BEST thing of 2005), and I have to mention it. LA Weight Loss is a diet program similar to Weight Watchers, but better. I joined July 1. It was a hefty investment financially and emotionally. In the beginning I was miserable. All I did was notice my imperfections more, and everyone else's beauty even more than that. The diet was working, but it was gradual, and I couldn't really tell it was working. Then the weight just started to fall off practically. Each week I would lose anywhere from 2 to 5 pounds. I was so proud of myself. I'd never been able to lose weight like that before. All of a sudden I started to feel a million times more confident than I've ever felt in my whole life. I even started to think positively! Me! I've always been a negative-minded person. I'm not like Debbie Downer on Saturday Night Live, but I never really believed in positive thinking. But my accomplishments on the diet made my self-esteem sky rocket, and I was sublimely happy. It was (is) incredible! It's completely new territory, and I'm really loving my life. I still have a long way to go, but so far I've lost just about 40 pounds. I've had to alter all of my clothes (some things I've altered 5 or 6 times). I've had to get rid of some things, including my beloved leather jacket. But buying new clothes is so much fun! I got to meet my Freddy (Krueger) The last weekend in August I went to a weekend-long horror convention in New Jersey. This was the best weekend of my entire life. I don't think I've ever experienced the kind of fun and happiness I felt during this weekend. I'm a horror movie nut, and there were SO many horror actors/icons in attendance. The best guest of all though was Robert Englund (aka my Freddy). While I didn't talk to him as much as I wanted, I still met him and talked with him. I cannot describe how amazing it was to just see him! I've been a Freddy fan since he terrified me as a little 5 year-old, and to finally see him in person, after ALL these years of idolizing him, was mind-blowing. I felt like I was in this little bubble the whole weekend. It was like the best of the best of dreams. The kind where Freddy is there the whole time, as well as Jason and Candyman and Mrs. Voorhies and Micheal Myers and Leatherface! Just try to imagine a dream where all these characters are present! If you're not a horror fan, you won't get it, but this would be something every horror fan hopes for. That was what my weekend was like. To top it off I ended up renting a Howard Johnson honeymoon suite complete with everything fabulous. Wow, just thinking about that weekend sends my brain into a serotonin-soaked fantasy! I was going to go again this year, especially because Robert Englund is going to be there again, but unfortuneately Eric's high school graduation is that weekend. And I wouldn't miss that for anything! I broke up with a really close friend I guess I would classify this as one of the snags of 2004. Our breakup officially occurred the day before I went to the horror convention. This friend and I had been friends since the beginning of college, and I honestly thought he and I would be friends forever. However, all we ever did was fight. We'd get along for a couple days, then we'd fight for a week. It was a never-ending spiral. He was supposed to go to the horror convention with me, but bailed a few days before. There was a lot more to it than him just saying he wasn't going. There were lies and some stretching of the truth involved, and that weekend meant FAR too much to me to allow him to treat it (and me) like that. It was just too important to me. So, with that and everything else that had happened, I just had to end it. It was too stressful and he just wasn't healthy for me. I think our problem comes from the fact that we don't really like that many things about each other. There was always so much judgment, and I constantly had to worry about how he'd twist my words into something they weren't. So, he and I haven't spoken at all since August. I had absolutely no desire to speak to him either. I had really had enough. I started doing different things with my other friends and the diet was changing my perspectives as well, and I absolutely didn't want to go back to the way things were. I was too happy. I moved on and started loving life all the more without the stress that our friendship brought. His birthday came at the end of November, and although I had no desire to talk to him, I figured it'd be ok to text him "happy bday." Birthdays are important to me. I don't like when mine is forgotten, so I try not to forget others' even if I'm at odds with them (for example, I still send Pip a birthday card every year). I didn't want him to respond at all, because I still wasn't ready to talk to him. I didn't really think about him that much either, it's just that when I did think about him, I got very angry. I didn't want to be mean, because it wasn't worth it. It was over and there was no need to keep fighting. He called me anyways. I didn't even realize he'd called until I noticed that I had a voicemail. It was a little weird to hear his voice after so long, and just hearing his voice made me angry. So, I just went on until recently. I don't really have that much anger anymore. It's silly to stay mad for these reasons, because that's just the kind of person he is. I emailed him to see if we could meet up and put a positive ending to our friendship. I waited until I knew I wouldn't say anything mean and hurtful. Of course he didn't want to, which is fine. I just didn't want us to end things with so much negativity. I said everything I wanted to say to him in the email. We'd had a lot of good times, and I wanted him to know that I'd be here if he needed me. It'll be the good times that I remember when I think about our friendship. I don't know if he feels the same way, but my actions are very comforting. I'm glad I waited to contact him. It's also reassuring to know that throughout the whole thing I didn't take it to an immature level (unlike him). Keep Reading -->