Easter, Postcards, Updates
April 23, 2003 - 3:02 pm
Today is William Shakespeare's birthday, so everyone wish him a very happy birthday!
I keep meaning to write more often, but it just doesn't happen. I'm sorry. Anyways...
The past few days have been rather boring. I have had a week break from classes due to Easter. You see, Easter in on a Monday here instead of a Sunday. I haven't had class since last Thursday. My money is somehow disappearing even though I don't really do anything, so for the past few days my goal was to lock myself in my room and avoid spending money. Well, on Saturday night I went to this club/bar called O'Neills with Joanne. I spent a little too much money there. This one drink cost 8 pounds alone! Mind you, I wouldn't have bought it if I'd known the price. The drink did have two shots of malibu in it, but still, 8 pounds is like 14 dollars (for one drink!!!!)!!!! I left early because there was a movie on TV that I really really wanted to watch (the original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"). Movie was good!
Speaking of Easter, I want to briefly mention the wonderful phone call I received on American Easter Sunday. My family, naturally, had the annual Easter dinner, which was also a little celebration for my uncles' (Ronnie and Jeff) birthdays since Easter falls right between them. Well, they called me, and I got to talk to every single member of my family in the same phone call. It was a little overwhelming, but still fabulous! It really made my day! My family is the absolute best! BEST BEST BEST!
Over my semi-break I managed to write lots of postcards, including two to my half-siblings. Ever since my brain-tumor-discovery I've been a lot more bitter (if that's possible) towards my dad's side of the family. He is just a complete, non-caring ass, and I am sick of trying. His parents are almost the same way. I believe that deep down they care for me, but since my dad is their son, they will always take his side over mine. In other words, he is more important than I am in their eyes. That's fine, they can be that way, but what the sad thing is, is that they expect me to respond to their in-frequent acts of 'hey, we're family, here's 5 dollars and little christmas present'. They think that is enough to show me that they care. And they blame me for not calling them and not writing them when I receive these small (again, infrequent) gestures. I'm just sick of it all. Everytime I do write or call, I feel like it's all so fake. I don't really want them in my life. They don't really want me in theirs. Can't we just stop the charade already!!! So, that's what I was going to do. I was going to stop. No contact. Whatsoever. But, of course, my little conscience creeps up all the time, screaming at me 'they won't live forever, you'll regret it when they're gone, they can't help but love their son more, what harm will a little postcard do!' It makes me so angry, because I just want them to understand what they've done to me. That's the whole point of cutting the ties. But they will NEVER get it. They will never see my side of it, never. If I don't send them a postcard, they'll be angry and hurt. If I do send a postcard then they'll think that everything is fine. Either way, they just won't get it. I'm not worried about my dad and his wife, because I believe they understand exactly how I feel. But now, we have to consider siblings, Colt and Calli. I found the loop hole to the no-contact-rule. By writing the kids, I'm still not writing my dad or his family. Colt and Calli are excluded. You see, back when I was a wee thing and I visited my dad rather frequently, Colt and I were very close (Calli hadn't been born yet back then). He meant a lot to me, and he still does. We've grown apart and it really hurts to realize that. It's really sad, because Colt is graduating high school this year. I really want to go, but I won't be home (yet another consequence of my choices). When I wrote him a postcard, I wanted to tell him how proud I was of him and tell him that he's very special to me. But I couldn't. Calli and I have never been close. We should be, because we are so much alike. We look alike even. You see, she is kind of plump and my dad's family verbally gives her a hard time about it. I can't stand it. They do it everytime I'm around, which isn't often so I can imagine that Calli must feel really awful about herself. I just want to give her a hug and tell her it's ok. Blah, this stuff is so depressing.
Let's change the subject...I'm going to Spain in exactly one week. I'm so excited! I still can't believe that I'm getting to go. I just wish I was a little more stable with my money situation, because I have several other things to worry about too. I'm going to Stratford (to see Ralph Fiennes!!!) as soon as I get back from Spain. And then...Bart will be here! YAH!!!! Bart is coming to visit me!! I'm so happy that he's coming. He'll be my one and only visitor!
I talked to Melissa the other day, which was great. I miss her so much. She's graduating from NYU as soon as I get back to New York, so we won't have much time together before she leaves me forever! I don't want her to go. I honestly can't imagine being in New York without her. Yesterday I received her graduation announcement in the mail. It was so sad, because it was documented evidence that she was leaving me. I wanted to cry. When we were talking she invited me to go with her and her family to the prestigous NY restaurant Tavern on the Green. I'm so excited to get to meet her Joe. I've heard so much about this fellow, it's about time we meet. I've also got some hints that he's going to ask her to marry him, which her and I have talked about lots of times before. I'm very interested in how Mel is going to respond.
I'm going to stay with Mel when I get back to New York. I'm staying with her from May 11 to May 16. I have a very busy week when I get back to the city. I have to take my stuff to storage. I work on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. I have to do a bobcat event Tuesday morning. I have another bobcat event Wednesday afternoon. I'm going out with Mel and her family Monday evening. I have to work at NYU's graduation on Thursday. I have to figure out where I'm staying the night of the 16th (either with my friend Aaron or Nancy, I have to decide). My parents are flying into the city May 17th (we're going to stay at the Howard Johnson hotel by Penn station, I'm so excited). I move into summer housing the 18th. Hmmm...what else?? I know there's more than that, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head.
Buh bye for now!
